Cat in the cast?
by Snoara
Summary: Once upon a pretty day their sniper made a good observation about Zoro, and now there's an investigation going on on board the Thousand Sunny... Shounen ai
1. Chapter 1

Um, so... This is something I started a loooong time ago, even before Ltyd, but I only recently had the will to finish it. I was inspired by all these stories and pictures of Zoro as a cat or a tiger and came up with this little thing. Read it, and tell me what you think!

If you, my dear reader, don't like the idea that two boys could love each other, you may just click off the page now.

I don't own One Piece!

* * *

><p>It was one of those lazy days when everything was good in the world and no one had anything creative to do. Sanji had delivered a tray of treats to the two women just enjoying the sun, even Robin had abandoned her precious book for once.<p>

Usopp sat beside his newest work of ammunition, the stars 'baking' in a cell stand. Chopper and Luffy were sitting next to him, Luffy interested in the stars and the new potion the little doctor was carefully stirring in a stonecup.

Usopp swept the deck with his eyes, stopping on the sleeping swordsman. A sudden thought occured to him.

"Na, Luffy, Chopper... Don't you think Zoro looks like a cat or something?" The two adressed looked first at him and then at Zoro.

"Shishishi! You're right! Neko-Zoro!"

"Wah! Zoro is a cat!_?_" Chopper's jaw hung low.

"Yes! Indeed, he is one!" Usopp switched into one of his many lies.

"How do we know, though?" Luffy scratched his cheek.

"Chopper, does he smell like a cat?" Usopp asked. Chopper lent into the direction of the 'rare marimo-cat' and sniffed around.

"Well?"

"Um, I can't be sure... I've never really met many cats, so I don't know specifically how they smell, but someone once said that they have a little sweet scent."

"Then what about Zoro's scent?" Luffy asked and pointed.

More sniffing.

"He smells like sake, oh, and sword polish. I think that's kinda sweet? And..." _snifff_ "...yes!"

"What?" the two humans looked eager to hear the analysis.

"Honey and Zoro."

"Honey?" Usopp looked at Luffy, who in turn looked at Usopp, "Zoro?"

"Yes. Not strongly, but... like a trace, I guess."

"Yosh!" Luffy hit his open palm. "We will find out if Zoro is actually a Nekomarimo!"

"Ay, cap'n!"

* * *

><p>Little later on when Sanji called for dinner Luffy, Usopp and tailing them Chopper came bursting through the door, all giggling madly like they had some kind of a big secret going on. Somehow Zoro got the impression they were watching at him while doing this.<p>

"Oi oi, what's loose in your heads this time? You three are giving me the creeps."

"Nothing."

"Nope, not a thing."

"Nothing at all~."

Nami sweatdropped at the answers. "Seriously, what are you plotting?"

"No worries, Nami! We're not gonna bust up Sunny."

"That's... reassuring..." Sanji's eyebrow twitched.

"You better not!_!_" Franky yelled with sharkteeth.

Zoro observed the trio for a while before shrugging it off. He wouldn't say he was paranoid, but... he had lived through a lot from his brainless captain, including the pranks. If they were going to do something...

Ah well, he'll kick their sorry asses off the board.

"Zoro, which is better, fish or broccoli?" Luffy asked randomly.

"Ehh? Who likes broccoli?"

"I do!" Chopper cheered. Zoro lifted his plate and shoveled the green menace on his plate.

"Hey logbrain... WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!_?_" Sanji kicked him in the head and soon enough another fight broke out. They were kicked out by Nami who had had enough of the foolishness.

Luffy turned to Chopper, who took out a folded sheet of paper from underneath his hat. Usopp handed him a pencil and the raindeer marked something on the paper. Luffy was grinning from ear to ear. "You were right, Chopper! You know so much!"

"Don't try to flatter me, you bastard! I'm not happy at all~!"

"You do _look_ happy..." Usopp deadpanned.

"What are you doing by the way?" Nami tried to peek at the paper.

"_NOTHIIING!_!" Chopper screamed and hid it in record time. Nami didn't have enough time to see what it exactly was. Smiling to herself, she thought it was cute but in the meantime tickled her curiosity.

"Ne~? Why wouldn't you show it to Nami-neesan?"

"Go away!" Usopp pointed at her.

"Yeah! Nami-neesan can't see our special list!"

"YOU JUST TOLD HER!_!_"

"AND DON'T CALL HER 'NEESAN'!_!_"

_BONK_

* * *

><p><strong>(Later in the infirmary)<strong>

"You were right! He does like fish! He's a cat!" Luffy giggled.

"Ah, no... we have to check all the things on the list!" Chopper tapped the said list. The second last line said _'Cats - eat fish V'_.

"What next?"

"This one! This one!"

"No Luffy, I think it should be this."

"But but but!" the captain pouted.

"We have better chances to look into this tonight, since he has the whole night's watch," Usopp explained.

"What? Why did he take all the night?" Chopper asked in thought.

"Maybe he just likes staying up all night?"

"Ah, don't know. Come on then, men! We have to go into position!"

* * *

><p>Zoro walked out to the deck (<em>Finally, what's with this ship? It's like a friggin' maze!<em>!) and marvelled the sea painted white by the half moon. He wasn't sappy like that shitbrow excuse of a cook, but he too could recognise beauty when he saw it. He just didn't see why should he serve drinks to it...

His thoughts were suddenly shattered by rustling. Frozen to the point, he tried to listen to locate the intruder. _Rat, maybe?_ The cook wouldn't like to hear that.

There it was again!

"Come on, show your ugly mugg to uncle-Zoro..." he whispered and walked around the deck searching for the source, all the while holding on to Wado's hilt.

This time he heard something BIG stumble just behind the tangarine grove. Making a mad dash... and seeing nothing. Although, there was a lone marble (_lead star...?_) on the edge of rolling off from it's spot in a crack. He picked it up before the gentle rocking of the boat dislodged it and made it do that annoying little _whhhiiiirrrrrllllll..._ sound when it rolled. He inspected it a little before tossing it over the railing.

"What?" Zoro strained his hearing.

"_...hiiiirrrrllll..._"

"Oh that's just..." he muttered some rude things and went to hunt for the stray nuicanse.  
>That devil was more agile than he thought. He had to run after it, and while doing it he knew he looked like an idiot.<p>

"Goddammit, _stop escaping_ you bastard!"

_*snicker*_

"Wah?" he skidded to a halt and stayed still to hear the intruder. "Ok who the hell is screwing with me!_?_"

"**!_!_!**"

"I KNOW YOU'RE THERE!" he yelled, picked up the marbel and threw it at the general direction of the voice.

_Almost._

The fucking marble rolled away before he could get a hold of it.

The door to the ship's depths opened with a silent nirrk and out stepped Robin. "You are quite energetic tonight, ken-san, but navigator-san says she will personally come up here if you won't stop 'fooling around in this ungodly hour'. I am myself a bit tired as well." There was an eerie dark aura to punctuate her threat.

"H-Hai... But I can't catch that damn ball rolling around..."

With a flick of her extra hand she caught it and this time it succesfully joined the ocean. Directing a smile at him she turned around and left.

"That easy, huh...?" and Zoro scratched his neck. Sure, he felt annoyed because he had needed help.

Then he heard something. It was so tiny he could barely hear it over the wind... but he did. Sneaking around and circling the obstacles like a ninja (_woot!_) he made his way to a nice stock of crates, where the noise had come from. He redied, waited for two long seconds and pounced...

"Ehh? No one!_?_" He rose back to his feet and sweeped through his short green hair in confusion. "Ah well.."

He then went into thinking if the crates should be moved and forgot the whole incident for the night.

* * *

><p>In the morning Sanji, who always was first to rise, found the swordsman sleeping soundly curled next to a stray barrel. Zoro had taken a death grip on it and wouldn't let go. Nudging him with the tip of his shoe, Sanji tried to rouse him.<p>

"Oi oi, what the hell do you think you're doing? Get up, moron."

_SNOORE_

"I said..." he moved his leg back "...get _UP_ YOU MORON!_!_"

"YOW! WHAT THE HELL, DARTFACE!_?_"

"You are clinging to a barrel of fresh water. While you're at it, bring it in," and the cook strolled to the kitchen, leaving Zoro fume on the deck.

"Who died and promoted you?" whatever, he still lifted the barrel on his shoulders and followed Sanji.

* * *

><p>Luffy's face was what Chopper saw first in the morning.<p>

"_GUAAAAH_!_!_"

"Mornin' Chopper! Can we do it now?"

"Ungh.. what time is it..?"

"Too early, says I," Usopp craweled from the floor where he had fallen from the hammoc. Chopper sighed and rubbed his eyes before rummaging through his pillowcase.

"So, what did we learn last night?" the raindeer asked and Usopp found the pen.

"That Zoro has an inhumanly good hearing?"

"Luffy, that is incorrect," the sniper said. Chopper nodded.

"'_Zoro_' and '_human_' in any form shouldn't appear in a same sentence, ever. Zoro is a _monster_, possibly a demon. Or a cat."

"Whoa! Cool!" They hunched above the paper and discussed about it's contents.

"This part over here... well that's definetly true! He was all over the marbles!" Usopp said knowingly. "Zoro plays with rolling things."

"What about ribbons? I used to drag a ribbon after me when I wanted to fight a cat!" Luffy giggled and his nakama sweatdropped. _'What does that have to do with anything?'_

"Hm, what about this? We know for a fact that he naps around. It doesn't have to be tested."

"Yeah, I know," Luffy rubbed his chin. "But does he 'sneak around'?"

"That, cap'n, we just have to see."

* * *

><p>"Alright guys! We are nearing an island and by the looks of it there's a marine base in the city," Nami told the crew that had crawled onto the main deck. The island they were approaching was a summer isle. And by 'city' she ment a 'metropolis'.<p>

"Yahoo! Onto the... Huh? What's it's name, Nami?" Luffy asked.

"Dumbull."

"Yosh! To Dumbull!_!_"

"AAYY!" Chopper triumphed and Franky struk a pose.

"And then we'll eat!"

The ship floated to the northern end of the island, in the safety of cliffs. Robin agreed to stay on watch and so the others were free to scram.

"Chopper, give me a hand with the groceries?" Sanji asked.

"Umh..." the little reindeer looked awkward and Luffy swooped to him, placing his hands on the huge, pink hat.

"No! He can't carry food today~!"

"What? What could be more important than your food?" the cook cocked his swirly eyebrow and made even Nami and Zoro stop. Franky had left early to gather the needed supplies for the Sunny (_the latest storm had teared into the ship and it was holding up with a temporary patch despite that it was adamwood_).

"Hey Luffy, are you sick or something?" Nami was utterly stunned. Luffy, not caring about food!

"Na, I'll just eat later."

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!"

"Whatever, I'm going," the greenhaired swordsman waved his hand and turned to walk away. Sanji was instantly woken up.

"Oh _no_ you're not! You are coming with me if Chopper can't!"

"The hell? Why don't you take Usopp for a chance?"

"He's not here."

"You blind? He's right... here..." he just now noticed that he was alone with the cook and facepalmed. "Everyone just left?"

"Yep. Now mush mush, packmule."

"Your face."

* * *

><p>The city was big and bustling with life and everyday noises. Nami had taken a brake in an outdoors cafe and was having a good conversation with an elderly lady. She had told her how the city worked and that in fact it was built in four layers: the High-Grounds, the Land-Level, the Lower-City and the Sewers.<p>

"Who in their right minds lives in sewers?" Nami asked.

"Those, who wants to find lost treasures and dangers," the lady told with a smile.

"Everything you drop to the watersystem ends up down there. Although, if I were you, I wouldn't go there."

"Why?"

"Since the city doesn't have much actual land on it, all the beasts and monsters went there."

"How lovely," Nami said with an iffed tone. She gazed over the little opening the cafe was situated at and breathed in the relaxed atmosphere.

"This sure is a nice place," she commented.

"Ah, it is! I've lived here all my life and all my grandchildren as well! Hm, of course that one did go out to the seas but..." the woman was soon deep in memories and Nami payed reluctantly for the coffee and left.

She was still short on ink and she also needed a new pen. Whatever happened to the last one was a mystery, but she had a good guess. This in mind, she found her way into the proper shop and left it mildly angry.

"What the hell was with those prices!_?_ Paper and ink are not endangered things in this world!"

Her rant came to an abrupt stop when she saw something highly familiar. Or rather, three of something.

"What are you doing?"

"HYAA!_!_ WE WERE CAUGHT!_!_"

"AUGH!"

"Oh wait, it's just Nami. Nevermind."

_BAM_

Usopp, Luffy and Chopper all earned bumps on their heads.

"STOP YELLING IN MY EAR!"

"_Shhh!_" they all suddenly yanked her behind the corner they were hiding behind. After a minute or so, the captain took a peek and confirmed that they were safe. Usopp let go of the navigator's mouth.

"What are you doing?" she asked again.

"Uhh..." the little reindeer looked awkward.

"We are being ninjah!" Luffy answered for him. She sweatdropped.

"Oh really...?"

"Yes! You almost ruined the Grate Superninja Captain Usopp's supersecret mission!"

"_I'm_ the captain!"

"Ahhaa," Nami let out slowly and raised an eyebrow.

"Hey! We're lagging behind!" Chopper noticed.

"Let's go then!"

"Hey, isn't that Zoro?" she asked, but the three were gone already.

* * *

><p>Damn island, whoever decided to build it like this was hopefully going to suffer a long and agonising eternity in hell. He had been with Sanji not ten minutes ago, and when he had evaded a group of people, he had lost sight of the magicbrow.<p>

Now he was even more lost and stuck with three bags of food and two crates on his shoulders.

And someone had been following him for a half an hour. Sanji hadn't noticed anything and so he hadn't mentioned it.

It was getting irritating.

'Hmph'-ing and putting more speed into his walking he pushed aside the disturbing feeling and went back to looking for the cook.

Ah? A nice ally to use as a shortcut..._ Yosh! This way!_

He walked to the narrow path on his right and ended up to a more-than-suspicious allyway with an isle of dumpsters and trashbags. He glared back at a filthy... animal, that was giving him dirty looks.

"What the hell's your problem?" he asked halfheartedly.

He walked. Then some more.

...

...

"SCREW THIS STUPID PLACE!_!_"

"Ooi, marimo! Where'd you disappear?" it was Sanji. Zoro turned around and saw him carrying two bags of last groceries. He had somehow ended back to the main walkway.

"Did you get lost?"

"I DID NOT!"

"Ah. You did."

"I didn't!"

"You may say, but the truth is still evident. We're ready for the day, so I think I might lead your sorry green ass back to the ship," he sighed loudly and smirked irritatingly around his cig.

"I DIDN'T GET LOST! It's this stupid place's fault..." He trailed off and walked after him.

"Don't start crying, I am not going to stay if you do."

"THAT'S IT!" Zoro drew his swords and dropped the bags.

"Hey! Don't throw those around! Teme...!" Sanji answered to the challenge. The duel was interrupted by Nami.

"Where have you two been!_?_" she screeched.

"Nami-swaaan! This idiot of a swordsman got lost, so I tried to help him out, but he-"

"Yeah yeah yeah, save it. We're leaving, since the log is set."

They walked through the city back to the ship, Zoro wandering off only twice. Sanji caught him every time from the haramaki and he was getting annoyed by that. At the ship, he yanked once more, even if he wasn't going in the wrong direction. Even he knew it then: he was just about to step to the gangplank of the Sunny.

"You're pushing it, lover boy!" Zoro glared.

"Oh, I just wanted to be sure you were going to the right place," he had a lazy, wide smile streched on his face.

"What's going on? You're being extreamly annoying today."

"Nothing. Just..."

"What?"

"Ehhh... oh look! Nami-san is calling me! _I'm coming my angel~!_" Zoro walked up to the ship, confused. Had Sanji just ran from him?

* * *

><p>Once again in the infirmary, Luffy ticked out the line they had confirmed that day: '<em>Cats - nap and sneak around V<em>'. Usopp picked it from Luffy and slipped the pen in his pocked. Chopper was bottling his new medicine, since the latest batch grew mold for some odd reason.

"And then?"

"This!" Luffy pointed at his favourite line on the list.

"I'm not really sure about it... we may cause some really bad things with it, if he reacts to it in any way like a real cat."

"Aww," Luffy pouted, "But we'll have to test it out sometime! It's on the list!"

"Yeah, why not take care of it sooner rather than later?" Usopp egged him on.

"Well... I'll see what I can do. On the meantime... look into this, will you?" Chopper pointed to a different line with his hoof, fourth from the bottom up.

* * *

><p>"Ooi, Zoroo!"<p>

"What, Luffy?"

"If I jumped to the sea right now, would you jump after me?" This made the swordsman snap his eyes open.

"You _what_!_?_" He saw the boy sitting on the railing, dangling his feet above the sea. He stood up and strode up to him. "What the hell are you thinking!_?_ Did you go suicidal!_?_"

"Uh, no... I just asked a normal, everyday question."

"That was _no_ everyday."

"Hnn... Would you?"

"I'd have to. You sink like an anchor," Zoro gave a huff and crossed his arms. Luffy looked thoughtful.

"If I didn't jump... would you still?"

"No, I wouldn't."

"Oh... why not?"

"Because I don't want to waste my time," he said and walked back to his previous place on the deck (_yeah... like that's not waste of time...)_.

Luffy smiled under his hat, eyes twinkling. Usopp and Chopper were hidden behind a corner, watching everything. The reindeer took out the list, the sniper the pen, and they ticked out _'Cats - don't like water V'._

* * *

><p>Food was ready and the three made a beeline to the table laid full of food.<p>

"Hands off, you shitty captain!"

"I'm hungry!"

"Wait until everyone's at the table!"

"But I'm hungry _now!_"

"Same goes for you, shitty nose!" Sanji growled, but his attitude made a 180 when he turned to treat the women, "Here are your plates, my beauties~!"

"Thank you, Sanji-kun," Nami thanked him, and Robin gave a small thankful smile. He melted in the spot.

Zoro was a tad late and got chewed out by Sanji, saying he made his sweet darlings wait. A fight followed, and Nami stopped it. Luffy held a finger on his lips to the rest of the table's occupants when he slipped something to Zoro's plate. Franky smiled and wiped the grin away when the men sat back on their seats. Luffy had a hard time trying not to swipe the infected plate, as their poor oblivious lab rat ate his food and left. Chopper couldn't hold his snicker anymore, and that broke the other two.

"Okay, what did you two do? I saw you Luffy! What was it?" Nami questioned.

"What?" Sanji was confused.

"It seems that Luffy has added something off the side to swordsman-san's food," Robin giggled. She didn't know what was on the plate, but knew why Sanji reacted as he did. He pummeled Luffy to the adamwood floor.

"You BASTARD! _NEVER_ TRAMPLE WITH MY FOOD!"

"Uaaah!" Luffy howled, and when the cook was ready, he left to look for Zoro.

* * *

><p>"Oi, shitty three-swords, where are you?"<p>

"What do you want?" came his gruff reply from below him.

"Oh, just to see that your ugly mug is right were it belongs," he lit a cigarette, feeling better when he knew he hadn't dropped dead.

"I'm... okay," came his strained answer. Sanji's hands stopped and he willed his limbs to function calmly as he walked to where Zoro was laying against the wall just like-

Rather than leaning, he was laying on the deck, sprawled, and face flushed.

"Hey, you all right there?" Sanji asked. _'I'm going to kill that rubberassed shithead!'_

"Yeah, I am. Just... a bit hot maybe."

The chef raised his eyebrow. "You have a fever?"

"I never get sick, _shit_..." he whimpered. He _whimpered_ for god's sake! Sanji dropped the cig and snuffed it out before going to Zoro and helping him up. The swordsman was leaning on him heavily, his eyes were dilated. He was panting and the skin in his neck was feverishly warm. They started their journy down to the infirmary, once in a while walking into walls or door or anything else that was in sight.

Sanji sighed. This was almost like bringing home a drunken man.

"Oops, not there," he directed Zoro from going into the aquarium. He was just as hopeless in directions as always, a fact that no fever nor medicine would fix. He got the man in the infirmary's bed, took away the swords and placed them carefully to the side. He knew Zoro treasured them most in the world. Then he yanked off his haramaki and shirt, eyes caught to look at the long scar. He'd been there, when it had happened. "Whatever you say, you're still a crazy bastard."

Zoro said - or more like moaned - something into the pillow.

"What? I couldn't hear when all that moss is blocking your face," Sanji just had to say.

"I said, _you prick_, that screw you," he scowled, face red. "Nnnnh..."

The cook gave a relieved chuckle now that he was talking like himself. Then he growled. "I'm going to tie that shitty kid like a roast, soak in marinade and toss over board."

"Why? Did he eat through the lock?"

"No, but he-" Sanji swallowed his words. If he said he was worried over Zoro, he'd rub it in his face later. "He... trampled with my cookings."

"And now you're worried for me. How cute," Zoro gave a lopsided grin. Was he that seethrough?

"Go choke on your ego, shitty bastard," he grumbled under his breath and left the infirmary in haste. That flushed face, smug expression, thick voice, hazy eyes...

He muffled a scream into into his sleeve, feeling the unresistable need to bash his head into the wall to lose the mental image.

* * *

><p>"That was a bore," Usopp stated. They were in the men's room, in a castle made from the turned around couch, pillows and blankets. They were working the list in a light of a candle.<p>

"We didn't see what it would do!" Luffy whined. He was holding an icepack on his abused face.

Chopper looked thoughtful, a hoof on his chin, eyes burning holes into the list.

"What are you thinking so hard?" Usopp noticed.

"Well... there were two smiliar cans next to each other on the shelf... and it could be that I accidently took the other."

The two turned to look at each other in apprehension.

"Was it poisonus?" Luffy asked, then gasped. "Oh no! I killed Zoro!"

"No, it wasn't! I wouldn't keep stuff like that out in the open! No. It was a part of the new, stronger painkillers I've been making. Though, the plant was a near relative to catnip."

"Supercatnip?" Luffy tilted his head.

"Oh! I got it!" Usopp hit his palm. "Zoro isn't a regular kitty, but a SUPER cat! So, supercats need supercatnip!"

"Yeah!" Chopper's eyes sparkled, happy to that explanation. "Zoro's a supercat! But I'm worried... That plant can also work as a form of aphro-"

"Hey don't worry! As long as it's not going to kill him it's all right!" Luffy reassured the reindeer.

"Mmh. Well, I need to go and see that he's really ok. See you later," Chopper waved good nights and crawled out of the fort.

Usopp turned to Luffy. "What next?"

The boy thought for a moment and then rushed to stand up and go after Chopper, tossing pillows around.

"Chopper, wait up!"

* * *

><p>Zoro had, naturally, fallen asleep in the infirmary bed. His head was fuzzy and his memories unclear like in a hangover morning, just without the killer headache.<p>

Judging by the clock hanging on the wall it was either eleven in the night or eleven in the noon. Either way, he had to get up and go get something to drink, his throat was dry like Alabasta desert.

He picked up the three swords and staggered to the door. Was it rough weather or is it just him?

Finally getting to the kitchen he drank a glass of water (_alcohol when dehydrated is not wise, even he knew that much_) and was on his way back to the door when he happened to notice a covered plate on the table. Why'd it sit there like that?

He shrugged and took the tin off. '_Cookies?_' he blinked at the chokolate chip kinds. '_Wait, there're **cookies** on this ship, and someone hasn't eaten them? ...poison?_'

He eyeballed the plate of suspicious cookies for a while before realizing how stupid this was. Cookies in the kitchen, big deal? If they had poison he'd kill the cook. As a ghost. Or something.

He grabbed a handful and replaced the tin foil on it before walking out, stuffing his face with the cookies. He got all the way to the deck before he finally noticed what was wrong with them

"GHAA!_!_" flames shot from his mouth. A door banged open, Sanji standing there.

"AHA! I got you this time, Luf- _oh shit_..."

"WHA' 'E _'ELL_, 'OO'!_?_ WHO MA'ES 'OO'IES 'A' BUR' 'Y B'AI'S OU'!_?_" (_="What the_ hell_,_ cook!_ Who makes cookies that burn my brains_ out!") His '_s_' sounded more like a hiss.

Their fight continued until every single one was awake and up on the deck to see what was going on. Everyone was a bit cranky, expect for Luffy who always seemed to be full of energy anyway.

"What the fucking hell are you two doing!" Nami hissed like a venomous snake. "I'mma kill you right to this spot if you don't start talking _right now!_"

"She's scary," Franky commented, making Robin smile wryly and Usopp to nod.

"'is 'oo'ies 'ie' 'o 'ijj me!" (_="His cookies tried to kill me!"_) Zoro pointed Sanji with a sword. The third blade was right now snug in it's sheath because, well, with your mouth burning like that it would be very painful.

"Sanji, what...?"

"Nami-san, those cookies were a payback for Luffy..." the man rubbed his neck sheepishly and shuffled his feet.

"I don't care! It's way too early for this shit! Now, get to bed! No, not you, Usopp! It's your shift!" Nami pointed at the sniper before he managed to sneak away.

Chopper dragged Sanji and Zoro off to the infirmary to get treated. He gave Zoro some salve that though didn't taste that magnificent did the trick. When he was satisfied and gone he started on Sanji's numerous cuts. They were along his arms and he had a few on his face too.

"Wow, he must've been really angry," Chopper frowned.

"That stupid rabbit-food, wandering in the kitchen like that and eating the cookies..."

"You don't usually do things like that, Sanji."

He sighed and rubbed his eyes with his free hand. "I know, and I had a moral fight with myself over it before I did it. Damn, I look like I was wrestling with some shitty cat..."

Chopper's ears perked, hooves stilled and head snapped to look at him.

* * *

><p>Two figures snuk to the deck and climbed up the ladder and to the crow's nest. Zoro's weights were in it, making it a gym as well as a place for observation. Light came from the windows, telling that Usopp was up there.<p>

The hatch opened and Luffy and Chopper came in.

"Usopp! Usopp!" the latter said. "Guess what Sanji said!"

"Uh, what?" the boy blinked.

Luffy grinned and clapped his hands together. "He said... uh, what did he say again?"

"He said that he looked like he'd 'wrestled with a cat'!" Chopper took out the slip of paper and put it on the floor. Usopp smiled and popped his pen. They scurried down the list to the part that said 'Cats - have sharp claws' and ticked it off.

"Now we only have these four here, and these three are pretty much connected with each other, so... how are we going to test this?" the sniper asked.

"I... don't know. I've never seen a cat do that, I've just heard they do it..." Chopper frowned.

"I have," Luffy raised his hand. "It looks like they're about to puke, but then out comes this slimy, hairy-"

"_Eww_, don't tell us more!" the sniper crinkled his long nose.

"It looked like a mouse!"

"What if it was a bad mouse?" Chopper wondered.

"Is there food that tastes bad?" the captain tilted his head in confusion.

"Shut up," Usopp sweatdropped.

"Cats cough up hairballs because they lick themselves clean. Remember, they don't like water? So, when they lick themselves, they get lots of hairs in their mouth and it goes in their tummies..." the doctor explained.

"So..." Luffy said, "Does he lick himself?"

"..."

"..."

* * *

><p>They were hit by a random storm that threw lightningbolts all around the Sunny. It pittered a bit too, but otherwise it was just humid, humid air that made Usopp's hair even more frizzly than it was and moisture to gather on every liable surface. The sky kept it's gray shade though the worst was over in a half an hour, making the atmosphere gloomy. It had an affect on every one of them, silencing the crew and making them huddle up in the warm kitchen and wait for Sanji to make tea. While they did Nami stared out the window, though she looked to be miles away. The idiot trio played card games with Robin as the invoulanteer referee in small argues. Franky was outside, for some ungodly reason.<p>

Zoro was sitting on the floor by the wall rather than on a proper chair, fast asleep.

"Nami-swaaan, Robin-chwaaan! You look so magnificent today~!" Sanji cooed and started bringing stuff to the table. To Luffy, Chopper and Usopp he barked to clear out their game. Robin went out to fetch Franky and shook Nami awake while she passed her.

When everyone was waiting around the table, sans Zoro, Sanji brought the last tray that held several pieces of cake on individual plates as well as small, delicate spoons on their sides.

Guess what happened?

Exactly that.

Despite Sanji's agile feet and quick reflexes, he couldn't stop himself from tripping on Zoro's feet. The tray he'd been carrying was sent airbourne and they all watched in morbid curiosity as it all landed on the swordsman, who by the way woke up just in time to get a facefull of whipped cream and a variety of chopped fruits. The spoons made soft chinks when they reached the floor.

In a blink of an eye they were yelling at each other, and then Zoro just started smearing the cream in Sanji's hair for revenge. Luffy yelled 'foodfight!' and in that second Robin was out the door, pulling Nami with her.

It all quieted down after an hour of screaming and obnoxious laughing. Poor kitchen, Sanji put the pigs to work and started by cleaning out the chair that had broken in the cakewar. Luffy was moaning loudly and Usopp told an half-assed lie about this sickness that prevented him from going near washing rags.

"You too, Chlorophyllis!" Sanji pointed the swordsman with the chair's leg. Franky would have to fix it later.

"Shut up, you bastard! I want to get rid of this cake all over me!"

"Not before you clean what you messed! This was all your fault anyway."

"Huh! I didn't throw that shitty cake all over this place!"

He knew he said the wrong thing when Sanji's expression turned dark. "My cake isn't 'shitty'! Get back to mopping, and don't stop until it _shines_!"

He felt his soul itself shrink a bit and Luffy, Chopper and Usopp all gave him sympathetic glances. He didn't say anymore, just started attacking the nearest stain with fervor.

Time went on and Sanji walked out to smoke and calm down. The cleaning was turning into another game for the idiot trio, who were loosening up now that the devil of the kitchen was away. Zoro watched them execute different cleaning styles and shook his head, making a glob of the cake fall down. Oh, he hadn't realized that the stuff was in his hair too, and his arms were covered in it. He looked at the cake remnants, mopping completely forgotten by now.

He took a deep breath and tried to place the different scents from each other. The cake had looked a lot more appealing on a plate, but surely the taste hadn't changed? His big, pink toung slipped from between his lips curiously and took a quick lick before retreating back into his mouth.

"Oh... wow..." that stupid cook, how did he do it? He couldn't help it, he licked his arm again, and again, and-

"Hey, are you watching that?" Chopper giggled.

"Why are you staring at me?" he frowned.

"Shishishi, Zoro! There's cream in your face!" Luffy was grinning stupidly. "It's good, na?"

"_Hn_," he scoffed with his face red, looking at his arm and licking it again. Chopper and Luffy giggled, Usopp downright laughing.

The door opened, bringing in Sanji and the smell of tobacco. "HEY! You bastards, get back to- _what_ are you doing?"

They all froze. Usopp had a look of horror on his face, as if the apocalypse was due, and Zoro looked ridiculous with his toung out. Luffy didn't stop grinning and Chopper hid behind him.

"Uhhhhh..."

"Very intelligent," Sanji rolled his eyes. "Get out of here, you're dripping all over the floor you just cleaned."

"I- Right," Zoro tried to gather what was left of his dignity and marched out the door.

Only when he had already reached the bathroom and uncharacteristically filled the tub, he realized that Sanji had flashed him a tiny, genuine smile.

He sunk into the bathtub with a warm and relaxed feeling settling in his gut, the taste of fruits and cake in his mouth.

* * *

><p>"Check!" Chopper said triumphantly and ticked off another line from the list. The part that said 'Cats - cough up hairballs' had been crossed out and replaced with a 'Cats - lick themselves'. "What's next?"<p>

"Ehh... I feel like testing the rest of them is highly leathal," the sniper started sweatting nervously. "And they all bunch up."

"You're right. We could test them all at once," the doctor nodded.

"_No, no!_ This part here has to be done first, and very discreetly! Someone might lose a limb in this if it's not done carefully!" Usopp had dramatic tears streaming down his face.

"Oh, you're right... So first it's this, and this one is directly connected to it, but this one..."

"Hey, maybe we could just ask him?" Luffy tilted his head.

"NOOOO! If we ask him before doing this, he'll be on guard!" Usopp pulled on the captain's red vest.

"Oh, I see!"

Luffy looked a bit distracted and thoughtful suddenly. "Hey... Do you guys think... that Sanji kinda _likes_ Zoro?"

...

...

"Naaah."

"No way."

* * *

><p>Two days later and nothing too interesting had happened. Only a span of sea to watch while the swordsman trained his ass off in the crow's nest. Then he meditated for the approppriate amount of time and jumped down to have his nap on the deck. Luffy and Usopp were fishing with Franky. Robin was reading Chopper a book. The witch was nowhere to be seen, so he assumed she was making her maps now that it was pretty quiet.<br>Satisfied, he layed down on the grass with his towel on his face and started snoozing away.

Once Luffy was sure that the first mate was asleep, his face turned serious, as well as Usopp's. Franky watched them in confusion. "Yo, bro, what's the matter? Getting like that all the sudden."

"We... are going to die..." Usopp said grimly, the captain nodding.

"Indeed, we are, for a good cause."

"Hey!_?_"

"_SHHH!_!" the two hushed him down urgently. "Don't wake the sleeping supercat!"

"Sleeping SUPER~cat?" Franky watched around and saw Zoro. "What, him? Did you two do something more stupid than usually?"

"No... not _yet_."

"Chooo~ppeeeerrr~!" Luffy yelled and got hit by Usopp.

"DON'T SHOUT!_!_"

"You're the one shouting now..."

"Yeah, Luffy? What is it?" the reindeer trotted to them. Then he petrified, seeing their faces. "N-No way! We-we're doing it _now!_?"

"Why not?" Luffy grinned. "Let's start the operation!"

"Noooo~!" Usopp and Chopper wailed.

"Excuse me! What are you doing?" Franky asked.

"We can't tell you!" Luffy said. "But it involves petting Zoro."

"Whatever, count me out," he said instantly and continued fishing. "You weirdos..."

"You're not one to talk!" Usopp had sharklike teeth.

Luffy wanted to do it, and the other two had no objections.

He walked to the man and watched him for a while, before kneeling ever so slowly. He reached for the towel... and jumped back when Zoro muttered something in his sleep and scratched his shirtless chest.

Luffy wasn't one to stop, though. In order to test all the three remaining things on the list, he had to pet his head specifically to know if he 'had a soft fur'.

The other two were 'purr' and 'likes petting'.

But damn, the stupid towel was in the way! Zoro was a heavy sleeper, but every time they approached him with a marker he still woke up and chased them to the mast.

A figurative light bulb switched on above his head and he walked back to Franky and the other two. "Usopp, gimme the fishing rod!"

"Eh? Sure, here."

Luffy returned, carefully attached the hook to the edge of the towel and walked back, letting the line loose on the way. When he was good ways from Zoro, he yanked - pulling the towel off him quickly. Chopper and Usopp hid both behind Franky's hulking frame and even Luffy noted that he was holding his breath. This new game gave him the thrills.

Zoro snorted and rolled on his stomach, burying his face into his arm to block the rays. He really looked like a cat then.

Luffy was about to go again, but Usopp held him back. "Not yet! He's almost awake, let him fall asleep completely."

The captain nodded and Chopper's eyes sparkled in admiration. "He's so smart!"

They sat down, staring intently at the man, and Franky in his head wondered if the watching would accidentally wake him up or something. _He_ was getting bothered by it, even when it wasn't directed at him.

"Is it okay now?" Chopper whispered.

"Yeah, I guess so," the captain nodded. "Yosh~ Here I go..." He tiptoed to Zoro and crouched down. His shadow was conviniently behind him, and content that he could do it, he reached his arm, straightened his fingers...

The sound of door opening and Sanji's obnoxious cry of 'mellorine~' made him freeze on the spot. He glared at the cook, who served Robin her coffee. Nami didn't want to be disturbed when she made her maps, so Sanji wisely kept out of there.

The chef noticed Luffy by the swordsman and frowned. "What do you think you're doing, Luffy?"

The boy pressed his finger to his lips. "Shh..."

"Oi, marimo," Sanji kicked the man and Luffy groaned.

"_Sanji!_! You ruined _everything!_" the captain stomped off to where Franky, Usopp and Chopper were.

Sanji watched him leave and then returned his attention to Zoro. "You know, you blend nicely. If Luffy hadn't been here just now I would've mistaken you as a part of the grass." No response. "Ah well."

He sat down and let his eyes wander aimlessly over the wide back and shoulderblades that rose and fell in sync with his breathing. There was a stray blade of grass sticking to his skin and he felt the urge to pick it off, little like when you see a small breadcrumb on your otherwise spotless kitchen top. He did, and saw his hide quiver like some animal's.

His hand removed the grass and rested on his back. It was a warm, living thing, and he felt a weird yerning to explore it better. He was curious as how this organism called 'Roronoa Zoro' actually worked. He knew it functioned with booze, and it needed an inhuman amount of exercise each day. His sleeping habits too: he was sure the marimo could be able to fall asleep on an elecrtic fence if he didn't fell off of it. If he did though, he'd probably just keep on sleeping anyway.

Shiftly glancing at the boys on the other side of the deck, he dug his fingers in his hair. To his surprise, it was thick and exactly the right texture, not too soft nor too coarse. He combed through it, defeating small tangles in the process. He didn't even mind that it was somewhat sticky.

"Hmmm..." the marimo hummed, and the hum turned into a deep, appreciative purr. Sanji chuckled. "Whaa... what are you doing, cook...?"

"What does it look like? You shitty, overgorwn kitten," he insulted fondly. Zoro turned on his side and curled around Sanji's feet, closing his eyes and pressing his face into the black leg.

"I'm not a fuckin' kitten..." he mumbled.

"Then what are you, o green and plant-like?"

"Can't you see?" he eyed him. "I'm a big, fierce tiger, and I'm gonna eat you if you don't feed me. Growwwl."

"Never heard the phrase 'don't bite the hand that feeds'?" Sanji raised his curly eyebrow.

"Don't worry, it's not the _hand_ I'd bite," he had a predatory look in his eyes.

"I'm going to kick your ass into stratosphere, you goddamn perv."

* * *

><p>Robin closed her book with a little clap. It was a good, albeit sad story, but she enjoyed it. She took a look around, noting that the deck was empty except for the two men sprawled on the grassdeck. Franky had made such a wonderful job, and she even had a small flowerbed on the upper deck now.<p>

The click of heels against wood approached her and she looked to see Nami. She was tired, apparently, and yawned widely. "Where's everyone?"

"I do not know of the rest, but..." she nodded towards the deck. Nami blinked and when the sight registered in her brain she could only gape. Robin chuckled again.

They looked, dare she say, adorable and peaceful. The swordsman was on his back, hands spread on each of his sides and the cook laying on him, right hand under his own cheek and the left over and on the other side of the swordsman.

What the woman had understood from the captain and his Partners-In-Crime's recent activities, Zoro might've been some sort of feline. Robin somewhat agreed, they did look like a pair of lions napping under the sun.

**~Fin**


	2. The List

**Cats**

-Smell sweet **V**

-Have soft fur

-Have claws **V**

-Purr

-Likes petting

-Go crazy near cat nip **V**

-Nap and sneak around** V**

-Don't like water **V**

-Play with ribbons and balls **V**

-Eat fish** V**

-Cough up hairballs **X**

-Lick themselves **V**


End file.
